51茶馆

Just stop it, sit down and grab a coffee鈥� This is the current daily reminder Christ gives to me. 鈥淛ust stop it.鈥� My life, from the time I could talk, has always been a constant buzzing whirlwind. Mom would rush me from soccer practice to Irish dance. Then in high school it was a 7am NHS meeting, classes all day with homework during lunch, Tennis practice after school, and then studying before lights out. I imagined things would slow down once I got to college but I didn鈥檛 like the down time, it felt unnatural. So once again I threw myself into 12+ hour days, working to seamlessly balance life, classes, friends, networking and ministry. It felt good and I loved a good brag about my busy schedule. I enjoyed shifting schedules and running across campus for the next event. But every night, the rush left me running on empty with little time for a spiritual encounter in my day.

This past year, I have had specific instances where I feel God was asking me to slow down and take it all in. I started to take notice specifically during my time abroad. I studied in Rome during the fall and I was so excited to once again balance classes, friends, and travel throughout the 15 week semester. After the first mass on campus, I approached the priest and asked if I could help with retreats, or music鈥� anything! He brushed me off and mentioned that students are always flighty during their semesters abroad, I was shocked. I wrote in my journal about feeling 鈥渧ocation-less鈥� and I emailed a minister back home to complain. To my surprise, she wrote back saying that maybe God wanted me to take time away from 鈥渄oing鈥� and instead try just 鈥渂eing.鈥�

When reflecting on why I believe, in God, in my faith, or in my prayer, a major factor is always my ability to just 鈥渂e鈥� and still God loves me. My busy life does not make God love me, in fact, busy-ness in my life can serve as a distraction from the bigger underlying movements within my faith. As I mentioned, I have felt that God is asking me to just stop and be still, especially in this past year. This request became especially clear while I was on retreat in October. We had a session on Imaginative Prayer (Jesuits鈥� anyone?) and the scripture was on the blind man. In my mind, I was a disciple, working on crowd control and trying to get Jesus from point A to point B. Then, Jesus stopped and told me to quit rushing, there is beauty right here before me. The prayer stuck me as an intervention, a request to find peace before my eyes.

I still struggle with over-scheduling, but it is through my belief in God and my trust in his design that I am working to stop, sit down, and have a conversation with God over a cup of coffee.

EMILY KATE MARTICELLO is a graduating senior, studying business management and Catholic studies at Loyola University Chicago.
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